Dialing Into My Brain

Today, I had planned to wake up early and get to the gym. There was a spin class I wanted to go to and then do a 30 minute strength training sesh. I must have turned my alarm off in my sleep. I slept in. Then my brain went into overdrive. It was a little …

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Don’t Change

Please, don't change. You don't need a "new you" for the New Year. Be unapologetically you. Every year. Do things FOR you, not because you "need to", or "have-to-because-this-person-said-I-am-not-my-best-self", but because you want to do it, for you. You are the Captain of your own ship. Everyone's ship, and course, are different. Be kind to …

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Good Days, Bad Days

Sometimes it's good hour, bad hour. Good minute, bad minute. I've been alternating my good days and bad days lately. I don't know if it's the early darkness or just the way things are right now. On my bad days I do what I can. If it means missing out on something I had plans …

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Recharging The Soul

I am very thankful for our trip to Cuba this year. It was beautiful. It was hot. It was eye opening. Being able to get away has been very good, for both the mind and the soul. Travelling with a mental illness isn't always easy. I have a lot of anxiety beforehand. I know what …

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Forgiving Myself

Sometimes I have a big problem. I can't forgive myself. I have very high expectations, and when I don't achieve my desired results, I will beat myself up about it. This could last for 48 hours, it could last for years. It could be a personal situation, or a work situation. The way my brain …

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I’m a Fainter

Last weekend I fainted while sitting in a pedicure chair. An ambulance was called. My daughter was a rockstar (which is good, because I now know she can navigate a situation like that without freaking). I was checked out by the paramedics, and then went to see a doctor who ordered some bloodwork. I had …

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Chewing The Skin Around My Nails

Yes. I chew the skin around my fingernails. It's a stress/anxiety solution to "getting rid" of my feelings. I will chew them, sometimes, until they bleed. Especially when my anxiety levels are high. My new meds have helped with the daily chewing. I am starting to slow my roll. I am now wearing fake nails …

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A New Beginning

Some changes are coming. This is one of them. Crazy Mama Runs is now Screaming Into The Void. Many things have changed over this past year. It was time for the blog to have a new name. The site will get a redesign, but it will still be the same old me. I will still …

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Clearing Out The Cobwebs

There comes a time, when I am "better", that I reevaluate a lot of things in my life: Why am I holding onto so many things? What purpose do they serve? Why am I holding onto this anger from 10 years ago? Lately, I have been pulling down those cobwebs that I have been looking …

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Upgrading My Toolbox (Because Suffering is NOT an Option For Me)

Today I was able to see my doctor. I am very lucky, because I called this morning and got in this afternoon. I know I've been off kilter for quite some time now (months really) and I've been at the edge of the rabbit hole for about the same amount of time. I had been …

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