Each day I wake up and roll the dice. These aren’t your regular dice. These are special mental illness dice. Sometimes I roll a good day. These days I don’t doubt myself, and I am not exhausted from fighting my brain. Sometimes I roll a bad day, and I want to crawl back into bed. …
Tag: medication
Not Feeling It
Usually I am a Christmas Junkie. I usually love decorating and watching allllll the cheesy Hallmark Movies. It’s my kiddo that has a hard time with this season. This year, it’s me. I’m having a hard time. This past week has been rough. Today I just want to crawl back into bed and let the …
I Never Thought It Would Be This Way
I never thought that my smile would hide the demons inside of me. That I would fight daily to keep myself from falling apart. That I could be so tired. That my body could hurt without injury. That my darkest days would be when I was raising a daughter. I remember when I finally told …
I’m Still Here
I'm still medicated. I'm still fighting. Things have been hectic lately. Work has been absolutely overwhelming. Life is all over thr place. I was out yesterday to do some Christmas shopping. This is the earliest I have started it. I am feeling pretty good about having it started. It has made it easier on my …
We’ve Got a New Drug
Well, the me of we doesn't. The V of we does. She is on a weaning off plan this week, with her new drug (Fetzima) to be started after that. She follows up with the doc in a month. This drug can be increased up to 120mg if need be. Fingers are crossed for this …
Struggling With Self Worth
This is a daily struggle for me. Part of my mental illness is a feeling of worthlessness. I doubt myself on an hourly basis. I never think I am good enough. On my good days I can gather up the gumption to kick that thought to the curb. But dammit it's hard. When I was …
I’m Pretty Sure My Fingers Are F@&ED
I've talked about this before. How I chew on my fingers when I am super stressed or full of life cramping anxiety. Well, GUESS WHAT. My new meds have evened me out with my anxiety, but I still chew my fingers like my life is going to end, goddammit. I also had to cut my …
I’m Still Tired, Dammit
It is finally sunny (and will be for more than a day) and I am still tired I am usually a solar powered human. The rain depleted me so very badly the last week. It's going to take me a while to power back up, even with the extra vitamin D I took last week. …
So Here’s The Thing
I still have bad days, even on my medication. They do help, good gravy do they help. They keep me from going down the rabbit hole full tilt. They don't "cure" my depression or my anxiety. They never will. This week was a circus show. Work went sideways. I am as hormonal as all get …
We’re Doing Okay
Things are going well. My daughter's meds seem to be working. She is slowly beginning to come back into the outside world, and I am very grateful. At the end of this week, we are off to sun and sand for a much needed vacation. After this vacation it will be a slow return to …
Screaming Into the Void 