I am stuck in a circle of flight and freeze. My exhaustion is valid. My energy is being spent in this circle. I need to readjust my nervous system. I have a lot of trauma to work through, and some vicarious trauma to take care of as well. It’s going to be a journey, and …
Tag: battle within
Scrambled Eggs
I don’t really know how to write. Most of the time I just sit and type, hoping that what is coming out of my brain makes sense. Let’s face it, a mentally ill brain is a lot like scrambled eggs. A bunch of thoughts all shaken up and then plopped down on a plate, and …
Update and The New Kitten
Mr. Eggs Benedict It’s been a rough go this past little while. Some med adjustments for my daughter have happened, with one as recent as I sit and write this post. I can report that she is doing better than she was, but we are still in an uphill battle. We now have some recommendations …
Feels Like a Circle
Mental illness has seasons, well, mine does at least. It’s like a circle. I’m in the middle, watching the seasons go by. I can’t touch the outer ring because I am stuck in place. I can’t make the circle bigger, or break the ring. I just sit, and watch it. The seasons that are out …
Shedding Those Insecurities
It’s not easy. I am having a hard time letting go of the insecurities that keep holding me back. They’re like a warm blanket I am afraid to take off in the winter. Knowing I will be cold and vulnerable after the cover comes off. It’s making me feel restless, like I want to jump …
What I’m Leaving Behind
Well, here we are. 2022. I’ve decided there are things I am leaving behind in 2021, because they no longer serve me. I am keeping myself open to good things. Leaving behind my fear of not being good enough to receive the good things. I am owning my faults. Leaving behind the thought that I …
And She Did It
It’s been a few weeks since my 10km race. It’s taken me that long to process this journey, one that I needed to go on to find my running mojo again. Running with Team Myles was an amazing experience. One I will never forget. I’ve made some new running friends, and I’ve even joined a …
Oh My God, Frig Off Already
Imposter Syndrome. It’s riding my ass hard today. I’m also restless and annoyed. These days are hard, because the inner conflict takes over and all I want to do is stay in bed and eat crap. Thankfully I had things to do that made me get out of bed: a Microsoft Teams meeting, laundry, and …
Team Myles Ambassador
I’m a Team Myles Ambassador for 2021! I am very excited for this opportunity, because I had fallen off of the consistency wagon when it came to running. My mental health was suffering as a result. When I saw the moment applications were open, I jumped on it, not knowing if it would be accepted. …
Running? Really?
I ran an actual “in person” race recently. It was a small event, with three different distances (4km, 6km, 8km). It was a lot of beach running. I did the 4km distance because who am I kidding, my running has been subpar lately. I knew in my inner being that the smallest distance would be …
Screaming Into the Void 