Roll the Dice

Each day I wake up and roll the dice. These aren’t your regular dice. These are special mental illness dice. Sometimes I roll a good day. These days I don’t doubt myself, and I am not exhausted from fighting my brain. Sometimes I roll a bad day, and I want to crawl back into bed. …

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Feels Like a Circle

Mental illness has seasons, well, mine does at least. It’s like a circle. I’m in the middle, watching the seasons go by. I can’t touch the outer ring because I am stuck in place. I can’t make the circle bigger, or break the ring. I just sit, and watch it. The seasons that are out …

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Not Feeling It

Usually I am a Christmas Junkie. I usually love decorating and watching allllll the cheesy Hallmark Movies. It’s my kiddo that has a hard time with this season. This year, it’s me. I’m having a hard time. This past week has been rough. Today I just want to crawl back into bed and let the …

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And She Did It

It’s been a few weeks since my 10km race. It’s taken me that long to process this journey, one that I needed to go on to find my running mojo again. Running with Team Myles was an amazing experience. One I will never forget. I’ve made some new running friends, and I’ve even joined a …

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Oh My God, Frig Off Already

Imposter Syndrome. It’s riding my ass hard today. I’m also restless and annoyed. These days are hard, because the inner conflict takes over and all I want to do is stay in bed and eat crap. Thankfully I had things to do that made me get out of bed: a Microsoft Teams meeting, laundry, and …

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Running? Really?

I ran an actual “in person” race recently. It was a small event, with three different distances (4km, 6km, 8km). It was a lot of beach running. I did the 4km distance because who am I kidding, my running has been subpar lately. I knew in my inner being that the smallest distance would be …

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Bend in the Road

Sometimes my depression veers off course. It surprises me by taking its foot off the gas. I start feeling not so tired, not so hopeless. Now is one of those times. I am not in bed so early. I can stay up and get things done. Although getting out of bed is still hard, I …

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Weighted

I’ve gained weight. Gone up 4 sizes as a matter of fact. It’s happened over the past few years. As part of my journey to self acceptance, I’ve struggled with this extra weight on my body. Societal issues with body image has done a number on my head, and it hasn’t been easy accepting where …

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So Done

Full of fatigue. Lacking motivation. Fighting my depression. Navigating this pandemic. I’m so done. Done with feeling like I can’t do anything about how I’m feeling. I go in circles. A time where I’m feeling good and think I have everything under some semblance of control. I can handle a lot of things I cannot …

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Covid, Peri menopause, and Jeans

So, some of us have gained weight during Covid (all that home made bread and bagels). Some of us have gained weight thanks to the lovely stage of life called peri menopause. I fall mostly into the second category. My love for bread doesn’t help, mind you. This makes my struggle with mental illness all …

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