I Never Thought It Would Be This Way

I never thought that my smile would hide the demons inside of me. That I would fight daily to keep myself from falling apart. That I could be so tired. That my body could hurt without injury. That my darkest days would be when I was raising a daughter. I remember when I finally told …

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Struggling With Self Worth

This is a daily struggle for me. Part of my mental illness is a feeling of worthlessness. I doubt myself on an hourly basis. I never think I am good enough. On my good days I can gather up the gumption to kick that thought to the curb. But dammit it's hard. When I was …

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I’m Still Tired, Dammit

It is finally sunny (and will be for more than a day) and I am still tired I am usually a solar powered human. The rain depleted me so very badly the last week. It's going to take me a while to power back up, even with the extra vitamin D I took last week. …

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So Here’s The Thing

I still have bad days, even on my medication. They do help, good gravy do they help. They keep me from going down the rabbit hole full tilt. They don't "cure" my depression or my anxiety. They never will. This week was a circus show. Work went sideways. I am as hormonal as all get …

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We’re Doing Okay

Things are going well. My daughter's meds seem to be working. She is slowly beginning to come back into the outside world, and I am very grateful. At the end of this week, we are off to sun and sand for a much needed vacation. After this vacation it will be a slow return to …

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Brains of a Feather

We've had a rough couple of months. My Buggie was just not feeling herself, no matter what we tried. She was struggling a lot, and had a hard time getting out of bed. She physically hurt, and had no motivation (she loves to clean, for real, and she has not had the urge to clean …

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I’m a Great Actress

If you were to meet me without knowing me from social media, you would probably see me as a pretty happy, and fun, person. I am. I am a happy person with depression. I can hide my mental illness extremely well. Most people have no idea that I may be having a bad day. It's …

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Let’s Get Running

Looking ahead to the next year as a whole isn't something that comes easy to me. Just typing this is making me itch with anxiety (for real, my arms are itchy). I have decided to start planning my races for next year. I will be running all as a Worth Living Run Ambassador to bring …

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A New Beginning

Some changes are coming. This is one of them. Crazy Mama Runs is now Screaming Into The Void. Many things have changed over this past year. It was time for the blog to have a new name. The site will get a redesign, but it will still be the same old me. I will still …

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Clearing Out The Cobwebs

There comes a time, when I am "better", that I reevaluate a lot of things in my life: Why am I holding onto so many things? What purpose do they serve? Why am I holding onto this anger from 10 years ago? Lately, I have been pulling down those cobwebs that I have been looking …

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