Dialing Into My Brain

Today, I had planned to wake up early and get to the gym. There was a spin class I wanted to go to and then do a 30 minute strength training sesh. I must have turned my alarm off in my sleep. I slept in. Then my brain went into overdrive. It was a little …

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What I Wish You Knew

In my darkest (and not so darkest) hours there are things I cannot say. It's not because I physically can't. It's because I am afraid to. If they are spoken out loud they become real. If they stay inside they are only my demons to deal with. So, when I can't say what I need …

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Today I Encourage You

  I encourage you to talk about mental illness. I also encourage you to get involved.  To create change. Seek out an organization and give your time if  you can, or donate to a local organization that is helping those who cannot get the help they need. This day was created to make conversations.  We …

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Life as a Depression Ninja

Depression Ninja? Yes. I've talked about how great of an actress I am. 99% of the time, you would never know that I suffer from a mental illness. I'm good at hiding it, and it can take it's toll. Not only on me, but on those around me. That 1% of the time when I …

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Let’s Get Running

Looking ahead to the next year as a whole isn't something that comes easy to me. Just typing this is making me itch with anxiety (for real, my arms are itchy). I have decided to start planning my races for next year. I will be running all as a Worth Living Run Ambassador to bring …

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A New Beginning

Some changes are coming. This is one of them. Crazy Mama Runs is now Screaming Into The Void. Many things have changed over this past year. It was time for the blog to have a new name. The site will get a redesign, but it will still be the same old me. I will still …

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A Booster for My Brain

Today was my six week check in with my doc to see where my anxiety was at. We sat down and talked about how things were, and how the additional methods I have been using to keep my anxiety under control have not been working like they have in the past. My depression has gotten …

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Is It Getting Easier?

I can't say it's getting "easier". Getting out of bed isn't a struggle. I am starting to be more involved in the things I enjoy doing. I don't feel as hopeless. I am still having issues with my anxiety. I had to buy a pill organizer thingie so I could look at it and see …

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I Was Afraid

So let's just dive in. One of the things that I am afraid of, when I go on my medication, is that I am going to "lose myself". It's part of how my brain tries to trick me into thinking I don't need the medication. In the back of mind I KNOW it won't turn …

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Am I Doing This Wrong?

It's funny how quickly self reflection turns into some extreme self criticism. Struggling to take expectations off of oneself is not easy. There is an internal daily struggle: Why can't I figure this out? Why am I so stuck? I'll never figure this out. I'm not capable of *insert thing here*. I'm not smart enough. …

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