Looking Back, and Moving Forward…Again

My first race I ran my first race (a 10k) 3 weeks before I was diagnosed with depression. I was numb. I ran out of pure spite. I had no idea I was on the road to a breakdown. I thought this was just a finish line. I never thought running would be the thing …

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I Thought I Was Doing Good

I have been eating better. I have been drinking more water. I am getting ready to start some consistent running and yoga on June 1st. What I didn’t really pay attention to during this time was my underlying fatigue. That not so good depression sleep. It’s the sleep that takes over. Sleeping in is every …

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Running, In The Time of COVID

Or.....not running? I have been struggling lately. I haven’t been running as much as I would like. Honestly, it’s been a while. I have some really bad anxiety when I go outside. If I do want to go for a run, it needs to be early in the morning so I am not around that …

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Is This The New Normal?

I guess I am getting used to this new normal. It’s still surreal, this world we are currently living in. I live for the sunny days. Even when I am having a bad day on a sunny day, it doesn’t seem so awful. Still thankful to be able to work from home. It keeps my …

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Voices in My Head

Pandemic + Mental Illness = War. It’s an inner war and I haven’t been rallying the troops like I should be. The enemy has been winning small battles these past couple of weeks. It’s time to sit down and rewrite my battle plan. Morale is in the toilet, so I need to pump up the …

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I Don’t Know

I don’t know a lot right now. I don’t know how long COVID-19 will keep it’s grip on the Earth. I don’t know how long I will be working from home (but I am thankful I have the opportunity to do so). I don’t know how I am getting through each day without breaking down. …

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I’m Scared to Death

Just back from Cuba. I am well rested and full of anxiety! On Monday, I am starting a new position. I will be the Manager of my group. To say I’m not scared would be a big fat lie. I’m scared to death. It’s not that I will be working with a whole new group …

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Because I Need to be Reminded: Why I Run

If I had seen someone running (summer or winter) around 11 years ago I would have told you those people were nuts. Who would do that to themselves? I was a self proclaimed couch potato, and a single mom, working a stressful job. I hd been to the gym off and on, but it never …

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I Will Always be Sick

Always. Be. Sick. I finally swallowed that, and it hurt. I will always have depression (and anxiety). It may not rule my day to day, but it is always there. It was a scary thing to say out loud to myself. Let's face it, mental illness is scary. Why would I want to admit that …

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Dialing Into My Brain

Today, I had planned to wake up early and get to the gym. There was a spin class I wanted to go to and then do a 30 minute strength training sesh. I must have turned my alarm off in my sleep. I slept in. Then my brain went into overdrive. It was a little …

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