Anxiety is full tilt lately.
While I started working today, I had that sinking feeling: this usually snowballs into paranoia. Is someone coming after me for something I said? Am I getting fired? What if I fucked something up and no one is saying anything? Am I overstepping? Why is no one answering my emails?
Today, the solution may be simple, because I realized I forgot to take my meds when I woke up. Luckily I am working at home today (it’s therapy day) so I was able to take them. Hopefully I’ll start to even out within the hour.
Other days it may not be so easy. Other days I have to use other methods to even myself out. Sometimes that full on means telling people that I am in a state of flight. It is scary, but if people know where I am at, they tend to alleviate my worst fears.
I’m not always forthcoming though, and it is to my detriment. Keeping these feelings inside just makes things worse, and really solves nothing. Part of my journey is to start expressing where I am at. To say things out loud so that they can be addressed.
So today, I am saying it out loud: I forgot to take my meds and I am feeling paranoid.
I’m going to get outside at lunch, and get some fresh air. Take in some of my surroundings. Just decompress so I don’t wind myself up.
Thankful for therapy later this afternoon. I’m in need of it today!