Scrambled Eggs

I don’t really know how to write. Most of the time I just sit and type, hoping that what is coming out of my brain makes sense.

Let’s face it, a mentally ill brain is a lot like scrambled eggs. A bunch of thoughts all shaken up and then plopped down on a plate, and you hope that what you’ve made is good.

I’d like to think that most of the time I make some sense, but I know there are times when I don’t. I know there are times that I ramble on and sometimes repeat myself.

I’m afraid that if I don’t get it all out of my head that I’ll forget to say something I find important. But it can get caught up in my jumbled thoughts and come out as a giant ball of irrational words.

I need to learn how to pause, and breathe.

In the moment, it’s hard. That pause may make me lose my train of thought, or so I think. But in all honesty it may give me that one moment of clarity that I am so desperately seeking.

I was at a conference in Montreal this week. A lot of presentations focused on leadership. One thing I noticed was the ability of some of the presenters to have that uncomfortable pause. To wait for however many seconds before repeating a question, or moving on.

I guess I need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. To have that pause. To not be afraid of it.

So I will be making a small not to have at my desk this week.

Pause. Breathe. Start again.

Here’s to finding clarity, and to being uncomfortable.