Not Feeling It

Usually I am a Christmas Junkie.

I usually love decorating and watching allllll the cheesy Hallmark Movies. It’s my kiddo that has a hard time with this season.

This year, it’s me. I’m having a hard time. This past week has been rough. Today I just want to crawl back into bed and let the day pass by.

Not even the Christmas music at the grocery store cheered me up.

Yesterday, I ran a Toy Trot. Yesterday I was feeling pretty good.

I am just struggling to find my joy this season. I know I have it. I really want to be full of cheer, but I can’t force it, and I won’t.

I know that if this (my feelings of helplessness, loss of interest in the things I love, sadness, anger) continues any longer I’ll have to talk to the Doc. Bouts of intense depression require something more than just joyful movies and music and decorations.

I know this time of year is hard on a lot of folks, and I hope that we can all make it through.

I am lucky to still have my kiddo living with me. She gets it and knows that you can’t force someone to be happy, so she lets me be melancholy and ride it out, all while checking on me.

Some people aren’t as lucky, and don’t have someone living with them who can just be there. Check in on your quiet friends, your overly happy friends, your friends that say they’re okay.

Sometimes we’re not, and try and fake it until we break. Because we can’t make it.

Here’s to hoping this next week is a better one. Here’s to hoping that this overwhelming blast of depression doesn’t bog me down and require a med change.

Here’s to all of you out there trying to get through.

I see you ❤️