I’ve gained weight. Gone up 4 sizes as a matter of fact.

It’s happened over the past few years.

As part of my journey to self acceptance, I’ve struggled with this extra weight on my body.

Societal issues with body image has done a number on my head, and it hasn’t been easy accepting where I am at right now.

Being gentle with myself isn’t easy. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my body.

Mentally, it’s even worse. Having been in an emotionally abusive long term relationship does a number on you. Seeing rolls meant I would come under fire. But being “skinny” meant I was also a target for other men’s attention. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Always under fire, always on alert.

That has stuck with me for a very long time.

I have been thankful lately to the body positivity movement for shifting the narrative.

Shifting my narrative is going to take some time. Acknowledging that my body is a power house is my first step. I’ve harboured a human life in this body. I’ve run half marathons with this body. I am surviving a pandemic with this body. I will continue to do great things with this body, no matter what.

Instead of trying to “get back to where I was”, I am working with what I have. I still run, I still workout. Instead of focusing on losing weight, I am focused on staying strong and healthy.

Starting now, I am treating my body with kindness instead of disdain. It deserves kindness, and I deserve kindness, especially after all these years thinking I HAD to look a certain way to be accepted.

I may not be a “perfect 10”, but goddammit I am a “perfect 14”.