Voices in My Head

Pandemic + Mental Illness = War.

It’s an inner war and I haven’t been rallying the troops like I should be. The enemy has been winning small battles these past couple of weeks.

It’s time to sit down and rewrite my battle plan. Morale is in the toilet, so I need to pump up the troops so we can start pushing forward.

It’s not going to happen overnight, and I realize that it will be hard to not listen to the self doubt voices that reside in my brain. Sometimes they can be VERY convincing. They know where my wiring is off and utilize that against me.

They take the “I am” part of me and turn it into “How about no”, or “It can wait for another day”. It makes me believe that I have “better things” to do.

I’ve never been one for positive self talk. I find it feels like I am being condescending towards myself. I have a few “power phrases” that can get me over a hill, but to spout off things to myself every day is not going to happen. It’s just not who I am.

I will have to dig deep again and find my inner warrior. The fighter. The one who can tell those self doubt voices to fuck off. Because THAT is who I am.

So take note motherfuckers, I am making a new battle plan. Those voices? They can go to hell.