I Don’t Know

On By Screaming Into the VoidIn anxiety, depression, mental illness, mentalhealth

I don’t know a lot right now.

I don’t know how long COVID-19 will keep it’s grip on the Earth.

I don’t know how long I will be working from home (but I am thankful I have the opportunity to do so).

I don’t know how I am getting through each day without breaking down.

It’s a different world. I don’t know how to fully navigate in it.

I try and get outside every day. Sometimes it’s hard, because everyone seems to be out at the same time, and you have to keep 6ft apart.

This morning I screamed into my pillow and then did 10 push-ups. I needed both. It helped.

It’s like we woke up one morning engulfed in a Stephen King novel. Killer virus takes over the planet. It’s all so surreal.

I am thankful my daughter still lives with me. We keep each other going. We take walks together.

It’s a day by day battle. One I plan on winning until I do have my breakdown. I know it will happen, no matter how much I walk, how much I run, or how much I scream, the dam will burst. I actually need it. It’s funny how cleansing the dam burst is. I need to start over. I need to be able to reset.

So until the dam bursts, I’ll keep pushing forward.

Stay Home. Stay Safe. Wash Your Hands.

3 thoughts on “I Don’t Know”

  1. L

    I’m feeling exactly the same way – I need a reset not sure when it’s going to happen but it’s coming. Thankful I have the opportunity to work at home, but living by myself and working from home is not all it’s cracked up to be – I’m on week 3 now and pretty much climbing the walls. Try to get out for a walk every day even a few mins out in the air to clear my head. Tomorrow I’m planning to make my “supply run” grocery shopping is not something I can enjoy right now it’s dash and grab……….we will get through this , me, you, our country and the planet. I think we all need to hit the reset button! The time has come.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel so fortunate to be living in a house with my wife right now — It must be hard for those that are living alone and/or in a small place.

    Screaming into a pillow with 10 pushups totally makes sense now.

    Be safe, and thanks for blogging your experience.

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