Good Days, Bad Days

Sometimes it’s good hour, bad hour. Good minute, bad minute.

I’ve been alternating my good days and bad days lately. I don’t know if it’s the early darkness or just the way things are right now.

On my bad days I do what I can. If it means missing out on something I had plans on doing, then I miss out. I try to not feel guilty about it, because taking care of myself needs to be a priority.

This is the struggle. Making myself a priority. Taking care of myself.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks, and I had plans to run a 5k today. I slept for 11 hours and woke up not wanting to go outside. I was chewing the skin around my fingernails. I decided that it would be best to stay put and work on my anxiety.

I completed a lapghan and started some other crochet projects to keep my nervous energy under control. I knew that a run would not help me today. I would have questioned every step, every breath. I would have ended up coming back early or hurting myself because I wasn’t paying attention.

(We did go outside today, to go to my parents for supper.)

Do I feel bad I didn’t get out for a run? Yes.

Will I obsess about it? Maybe.

The thing is, I took care of myself today.

That is what is important.

That is what I need to remember.

We’ll see if I can.