I received a fantastic pep talk close to the end of my 15km race on June 9th.
It reminded me that even though I thought I had given up, that I could push through that last little bit and cross the finish line.
Running is a coping skill for me. I can hash things out on a run, or sometimes I hash nothing out and run to forget.
This run, this run is where I worked some shit out.
This run was hot.
This run was hard.
This run was full of soul searching and forgiveness.
This run reminded me of what I am capable of. That I am not weak. That I am stronger than I think, physically and mentally.
I forget that when my depression is trying to sink it’s teeth in.
I forgave myself for a lot on this run. I forgave a lot of things (and people) on this run.
When I crossed that finish line, I felt less heavy.
My legs were screaming, and I was nauseous, but lighter.
Being kind to yourself is hard.
Forgiving yourself is hard.
Remembering that you come first is hard.
Taking time for yourself is not selfish, it is an investment in your well being.
YOU are worth the effort.
(P.S. Now, this will be so very hard to remember when my depression is bad. Hopefully I can come back to this post and get something small out of it when I need to, and I hope you can too.)