I’ve talked about how great of an actress I am. 99% of the time, you would never know that I suffer from a mental illness.
I’m good at hiding it, and it can take it’s toll. Not only on me, but on those around me.
That 1% of the time when I cannot hide it can be intense. When I lash out, push people away, and hide, I am at the breaking point.
It’s a hard thing to break, this hiding my illness thing. People don’t understand how I can be sick, and still function, laugh, and get out of bed.
I have to function. I have a job. I have rent and bills. I have a daughter who also suffers from a mental illness. I have sometimes forced myself to function for survival.
When I was first diagnosed with depression I couldn’t function. It was awful. I slept lots, everything hurt, and I felt completely hopeless.
I fight to not get to that point every day.
I am thankful for my meds. They have lifted me out of the deep.
They haven’t “cured” my mental illness, but they have helped me to stay relatively stable.
So if I am awful towards you, (and you haven’t done anything to me), it’s not because I am an awful person. I’ve reached my breaking point, and I need help.
A gentle nudge to say “hey, you’re not acting like yourself”, can be just what I need to open up. Sometimes I just need an ear, or a shoulder.
This illness doesn’t go away.
I’m a Depression Ninja for life.