When Anxiety Comes Knocking….

You Put On Your Best Face

Okay, maybe not THIS face, lol.

Because we, the mentally ill, it’s what we do.  Until we can’t.

Last week was bad for me.
My anxiety was bad.  It started on Monday.
I woke up with it, like the bottom fell out of my stomach.  There was no reason for it.  It’s just how I started the day.
Then, for me, everything and everyone around me changes.  I feel like I am under the microscope.  Being examined.  Secretly criticized.
I bury myself in work, and hope that I can just get through the day without an attack.  Most times, when I get home I am good.  Home is safe.  Home has no people (well, other than TeenThing, lol). 
I am lucky to have drugs that I can take to calm the racing heartbeat and panic.  It was used a few times this week.

After Wednesday I was better, and by Friday I was okay.  But on Friday, I crashed.  So tired.  Tired from keeping my head above water.  It’s exhausting fighting that battle every day, working, and being a mom.
Why do I NOT say anything sometimes?  I don’t want to worry anyone.  Funny isn’t it.  I am worrying about others worrying about me.  Guess where THAT put my anxiety, DEFCON 1.  If what I was feeling lasted longer, I would have said something.  Sometimes, I am also tired of explaining what I can’t explain.  So I keep it to myself.  Sometimes, THAT is my coping mechanism.
It’s not that I don’t want to share it with those that care about me, it’s that sometimes sharing it is overwhelming.  

I am happy to say that I am feeling much better now.  Fitness works well for me as a way to create balance.  I was not as vigilant with it last week as I should have been.  Movement is medicine (thanks Clara Hughes!) and I needed more movement.

One Month Away From The Half Marathon?

Yes, one month away!

I was discharged from physio last week (YAAAAAAY).

I also switched my gym membership to a spot closer to home.  I have some major ass kicking to do.
I did get out on the trails here last week, and that felt amazing.

(I have my base laid down for my running, so I am lucky there.  This whole calf strain had me worried for a bit.)
I am planning some HIIT classes, some spin, weight training and some pool time until Race Day to complement my running.  
I am glad to be running with my BRF again.
I have TeenThing to gym it with me.
A new week ahead means a chance to start fresh.
Time to Giv’r.