You Put On Your Best Face
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| Okay, maybe not THIS face, lol. |
Because we, the mentally ill, it’s what we do. Until we can’t.
Last week was bad for me.
My anxiety was bad. It started on Monday.
I woke up with it, like the bottom fell out of my stomach. There was no reason for it. It’s just how I started the day.
Then, for me, everything and everyone around me changes. I feel like I am under the microscope. Being examined. Secretly criticized.
I bury myself in work, and hope that I can just get through the day without an attack. Most times, when I get home I am good. Home is safe. Home has no people (well, other than TeenThing, lol).
I am lucky to have drugs that I can take to calm the racing heartbeat and panic. It was used a few times this week.
After Wednesday I was better, and by Friday I was okay. But on Friday, I crashed. So tired. Tired from keeping my head above water. It’s exhausting fighting that battle every day, working, and being a mom.
Why do I NOT say anything sometimes? I don’t want to worry anyone. Funny isn’t it. I am worrying about others worrying about me. Guess where THAT put my anxiety, DEFCON 1. If what I was feeling lasted longer, I would have said something. Sometimes, I am also tired of explaining what I can’t explain. So I keep it to myself. Sometimes, THAT is my coping mechanism.
It’s not that I don’t want to share it with those that care about me, it’s that sometimes sharing it is overwhelming.
I am happy to say that I am feeling much better now. Fitness works well for me as a way to create balance. I was not as vigilant with it last week as I should have been. Movement is medicine (thanks Clara Hughes!) and I needed more movement.
One Month Away From The Half Marathon?
Yes, one month away!
I was discharged from physio last week (YAAAAAAY).
I also switched my gym membership to a spot closer to home. I have some major ass kicking to do.
I did get out on the trails here last week, and that felt amazing.
(I have my base laid down for my running, so I am lucky there. This whole calf strain had me worried for a bit.)
I am planning some HIIT classes, some spin, weight training and some pool time until Race Day to complement my running.
I am glad to be running with my BRF again.
I have TeenThing to gym it with me.
A new week ahead means a chance to start fresh.
Time to Giv’r.
Screaming Into the Void 