Even With a Step Down Plan…
It’s been a roller coaster ride.
I had tweeted how ALIVE I felt on Monday.
Alive.
Maybe too much.
Going from feeling pretty much level to the point of becoming numb to dealing with the influx of feelings has been hard. My brain is trying to “rewire” itself after letting medication do it for so long. Giving me the big WTF.
Keeping things in focus has been a challenge. Trying to remain on task has been hard.
I want to laugh, cry, and punch someone.
I know right?
And yet, I am thankful for it.
(I know what you are thinking – you’re THANKFUL for your mental illness? THANKFUL for coming off the drugs and feeling overwhelmed?)
Yes (I haven’t been to India, lol, but this song really sums things up).
Because even with all the hard parts, I am now remembering how it feels to be passionate, engaged, hopeful.
It’s a struggle, even on my best days. Those around me probably often wonder “What the WHAT?” as I flounder through my day. But they let me flounder, knowing that I will own up to my obsessive thinking and back up the bus if told.
I am hoping to get an update on physio if there is an actual ETA on when I can run again so I have something to focus on and work towards.
I try and pick small things daily to focus on, hence all my planks, lol.
Keeping my core strong will come in handy big time when I get back to running. Also with the yoga and workouts I am able to do right now I am keeping my upper body strength in check.
Strong core and a strong upper body can help me push through even when my legs may not want to.
They come in handy on hills!
I am still real about it…
Don’t get me wrong, I am under no illusion that I am “healed”. I know that there may be a chance that I will need help, that I may not be able to “do it all” on my own.
My support system rocks, and I know at times they are overwhelmed as well.
So, I want to say thank you to you. Those of you who are with me every day. Who work with me, live with me, hang out with me, and love me.
Thank you as well to my online family. You are there no matter what time of day I vent, even at 2:00am. Advantages of Twitter, lol.
To those who are still not sure about sharing their mental illness, know that you are not alone. Those of us who speak out feel just like you do.
Hang in there.
I am 🙂
#crazymamaruns
Screaming Into the Void 