What The Heck Has Been Going On??? (Part 1)

Well, quite a bit.

I am full on into physio and progressing.  Which is good, it is keeping me focused!

My after physio face:

Back to work and feeling good now that I am using my brain again (high fives all around).


Yep, there is a but.

I have been experiencing some discontinuation symptoms from my step down off the meds.  Today is the first day since we started the plan that I have no nausea, dizziness or confusion.  I have also been getting tongue tied, experiencing some lethargy and fatigue.

It hasn’t been a fun ride.  But neither was the fall down the rabbit hole.

I’ve been on these meds for 4 years.  I was becoming numb though.  Not really “feeling”.  Just existing.

It feels, in some ways, like an eternity.

Like a really long movie.

I carry every experience with me and have learned so much.  About myself, my coping skills, my feelings.

I am an “obsessive thinker”. If I feel like I have done something wrong, or feel like I am under attack, my brain goes into overdrive.  Fight or flight ramps up and it could go either way.

I have been using meditation as a coping skill.  To centre and focus so I can reign in those thoughts, feelings, and calm the fight or flight instinct.

I own everything.  Every mistake, every feeling.

And Now….Now I Start Taking it Back

My power.

My mental health.

My physical health.

I am very impatient.  My urge to run is very strong.

But with surgery and now early arthritis medial compartment (where the OCD was in my femur) I have to be smarter.  More efficient.  And patient.

I ask all kinds of questions.  I love learning.

And So, I Start Over

Back to Basics.

Rebuild my strength while following the instructions from my physiotherapist.

I will be patient.

I will work hard.

And I will try not to cry about our recent snowmaggedon in Halifax, NS

Why did I use “snowmaggedon”?

You’ll have to wait for Part 2 😉

In the meantime, my #FightForHappy has ramped back up!