Well, quite a bit.
My after physio face:
Back to work and feeling good now that I am using my brain again (high fives all around).
BUT…..
Yep, there is a but.
I have been experiencing some discontinuation symptoms from my step down off the meds. Today is the first day since we started the plan that I have no nausea, dizziness or confusion. I have also been getting tongue tied, experiencing some lethargy and fatigue.
It hasn’t been a fun ride. But neither was the fall down the rabbit hole.
I’ve been on these meds for 4 years. I was becoming numb though. Not really “feeling”. Just existing.
It feels, in some ways, like an eternity.
Like a really long movie.
I carry every experience with me and have learned so much. About myself, my coping skills, my feelings.
I am an “obsessive thinker”. If I feel like I have done something wrong, or feel like I am under attack, my brain goes into overdrive. Fight or flight ramps up and it could go either way.
I have been using meditation as a coping skill. To centre and focus so I can reign in those thoughts, feelings, and calm the fight or flight instinct.
I own everything. Every mistake, every feeling.
And Now….Now I Start Taking it Back
My power.
My mental health.
My physical health.
I am very impatient. My urge to run is very strong.
But with surgery and now early arthritis medial compartment (where the OCD was in my femur) I have to be smarter. More efficient. And patient.
I ask all kinds of questions. I love learning.
And So, I Start Over
Back to Basics.
Rebuild my strength while following the instructions from my physiotherapist.
I will be patient.
I will work hard.
And I will try not to cry about our recent snowmaggedon in Halifax, NS
Why did I use “snowmaggedon”?
You’ll have to wait for Part 2 😉
In the meantime, my #FightForHappy has ramped back up!
#crazymamaruns
Screaming Into the Void 