Sometimes I have great ideas…

But I don’t follow through.  I’ve been caught up in so much lately that I’ve dropped the ball on myself.

Part of the problem with depression/anxiety is you have so many great ideas, but when you go to carry them out, the “doubt voice” pops up.  It can be pretty darn convincing.

“Why can’t you just DO IT?”

If I could turn that voice off I would.  Unless you suffer from mental illness it is hard to explain to someone.  I WANT to do all my great ideas. Sometimes I can get started, but the inner doubt voice catches up to you.

“It’s just an excuse…”

No – it’s not.  It’s an illness.  Like every other illness you have good and bad times.  When I am overwhelmed, it gets worse.  It’s like sitting at the bottom of the well, knowing that you can get out because the rope and bucket is sitting right there.  You just can’t grab it. 

“Just ask for help!”

Well, I do. But sometimes I don’t know how to phrase it.  Or I am afraid that it will overwhelm me even more, so I don’t ask.  It’s a double-edged sword.

What the heck is #ProjectAmy?

Well, #ProjectAmy was started today, by my Greg, who was trying to help me earlier when I became extremely overwhelmed.  I cried all over the phone.  

He is my rock, especially when I do break down.  He can turn it around for me and lead me in the right direction.  Baby steps he told me today.  Start with one thing.

So tonight is food prep and tomorrow morning is gym bag packing.  I always forget to take care of myself, even when I am feeling good.  I worry about everything and everyone else.  

That’s not a bad thing per se, but when I forget about me….well I’m no good to anyone if I am not at my best.

#ProjectAmy is about renewal and recovery.  

I have my Mantra: I Am Open.

I need to keep on track until the knee scope. I need to move for me at least once a day.  I need some #Earthathon kms.

So my friends.  I need your help.  

I need you to make sure I am doing at least one thing for myself every day.  If you follow me on Twitter and do not see #ProjectAmy, kick me in the butt and give me a challenge (i.e. plank, situps, etc.).  

Ask me if I have meditated, taken a few minutes to just sit and be aware.  

Keep sending me FitBit challenges and annoy the crap out of me until February 18th! (Surgery Day!).

After that, I will just need help with my sanity until I am cleared to weight bear, lol.

#ProjectAmy and the continued #FightforHappy are on.