So it’s been a journey, but we’ve hit a fork in the road. It was time to admit that my meds were not necessarily working like they used to. I’ve known this subconsciously for a while now. It just took some time for my conscious self to catch up. My endless need for more sleep, …
Paranoia
Anxiety is full tilt lately. While I started working today, I had that sinking feeling: this usually snowballs into paranoia. Is someone coming after me for something I said? Am I getting fired? What if I fucked something up and no one is saying anything? Am I overstepping? Why is no one answering my emails? …
Don’t Come At Me With Your “Diets“
Or your cleanses. Or your meal plans. Or your supplements. I’ve tried lots of things for my body over the years. I’ve also not given my body the respect it deserves. I’ve treated it badly and denied it what it needs to sustain me. Even during training for races, I know I haven’t eaten enough. …
Been a While
I realized today that it has been a while since I’ve posted. Things are moving along. I am still in therapy. Learning a lot about myself. My daughter is doing better. She has been diagnosed with ADHD, so we are navigating this together. She is struggling with what she wants to do with her life …
I Love Sleep
I really love sleep. As a matter of fact, I am in bed right now as I type this. It is 8:15 on a rainy Monday night. As much as I love my sleep, it can become a problem. It can be a problem because I have depression. Depression also loves sleep. Depression would like …
What I am Learning in Therapy
I am stuck in a circle of flight and freeze. My exhaustion is valid. My energy is being spent in this circle. I need to readjust my nervous system. I have a lot of trauma to work through, and some vicarious trauma to take care of as well. It’s going to be a journey, and …
I’m Going to Therapy
Yes, therapy. Some of you probably thought I may have already been going. Nope. I have been so concerned with the others in my life who need help, I have been neglecting someone important. Me. I finally bit the bullet and contacted a therapist this week. I have my first appointment next week, and I’m …
Scrambled Eggs
I don’t really know how to write. Most of the time I just sit and type, hoping that what is coming out of my brain makes sense. Let’s face it, a mentally ill brain is a lot like scrambled eggs. A bunch of thoughts all shaken up and then plopped down on a plate, and …
It’s Going…..
Not really sure how it's going, but it's going. It's been a roller coaster ride these past couple of months. I can report that my kiddo has found a psychologist that she is starting to work with, and that has taken a load off my shoulders. Her medication has been adjusted to a level that …
Update and The New Kitten
Mr. Eggs Benedict It’s been a rough go this past little while. Some med adjustments for my daughter have happened, with one as recent as I sit and write this post. I can report that she is doing better than she was, but we are still in an uphill battle. We now have some recommendations …
Screaming Into the Void 